Defining Moments - Motherhood

When I was growing up, I knew I wanted to get married someday and have children. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to act and sing and become a teacher, but the only thing I was sure that I was supposed to accomplish in life was marriage and motherhood. Because that was what was expected of females in my social strata. I had fed, played with, taught, bathed and dressed kids of my siblings, relatives and neighbors, so I thought I was ready to be a mother. That was ... until I became a mother.

January 28, 1984 changed me forever. I had stayed the night at Durden's Hospital, Colombo to get prepped for surgery. In the surgery room, I was nervous and the anesthesiologist was talking to me to keep me calm and as he injected me. He asked me what baby I wanted. I said, "as long as it is healthy and normal, I don't mind. But, I really would like to have a boy." The next thing I remember is hearing a baby crying and the doctor proclaiming, "It's a boy!" Still groggy, I said, "I knew God would give me a son."

An Heir is Born

When I woke up in the recovery room, I started yelling, "Michael, where's Michael, we have a son!" I kept repeating this as the attendant wheeled me all the way to my hospital room. A few hours later, a nurse brought in my newborn son and placed him next to me to feed. My baby instinctively knew how to suckle. Still weak from surgery, I slowly held him for a few minutes and saw the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. It was like looking into the eyes of an angel. And, the stunning realization of actually giving birth to this amazing person struck me with awe. 

first Christmas - first train set

Don & his Teddy Bear "Ethee"

Soon, the visitors and flowers kept streaming in. And, I received the first toy for our son... a cute little teddy bear from Maya Vikrantha. 
We had to name our son and I wanted a fancy name like Alain (after the handsome Alain Delon) but Michael thought people would call our son Elaine. I suggested Tarik - it sounded so exotic. Another resounding NO from Michael. After throwing out some other names, I gave up and Michael firmly decided that this new addition who would take center stage in our lives would be called "Don Michael Lloyd Walpola, Jr.," after his dad. The "Don" was a title/name that came down the generations and our son was the first one in the line of Don Willard Walpola.

After I went back home, the realization set in. I was a Mom! I had a living, breathing, human being to take care of even when I was tired. We tried a couple of maids, but they just didn't fit Michael's and my needs for taking care of our little heir. And, I decided to go back to work after two months. So, my sister Jean used to come in every morning and stay till evening with strict instructions on how to feed, burp, wash and change our baby. Everything was hyper-sterile and anyone who held him had to wash their hands right before they held him.

In early 1985, just as Don turned one, we left the sunny beaches of Sri Lanka and moved to the US. I was young and it seemed like an adventure. Little did I know that life was going to be so different and so challenging. Michael was going to college, I found a job and we both had to balance raising this one year-old. By the grace of God, I found friends and a great church. Without their moral support, I have no idea what life would have been.

first steps

  

Four years later, Don became a big brother, a role he embraced with delight and he's been a solid rock of support for Tara.

Motherhood: if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart

Over the years, I've seen similarities and differences between my children and traits inherited from both Michael and me. 

Don graduated from UC Berkeley with an undergrad in Applied Math and went on to graduate with a Masters in Statistics - Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning. Tara graduated from New York University with an undergrad in creative writing.They both have a great sense of humor and are exceptionally creative. What gives me the greatest satisfaction is that they are both centered and have a great value system.

To my children I say “I loved you before I knew you.” “Of all the things my hands have held, the best, by far, is you.” 

How has motherhood changed you?

Making Memories Through Mentoring

 My parents taught me the importance of giving back to the community and I have been involved in community activities since I was a teenager. Helping others gives me the greatest joy and I’m always inspired by the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, “to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” As a teenager I was involved in church activities serving the community and from time to time in my working career, I have been engaged in programs with young adults such as Boys & Girls Clubs, United Way to name a few. When I saw the following statistics, it moved me to write this article.

Source: https://www.mentoring.org/mentoring-impact/?gclid=CjwKCAjw2f-VBhAsEiwAO4lNeESwnYIL7sLuXXrxw7XyS0HXgxQkvHjbm3o7vvVaAXRaLRJX4HmX0RoC6SoQAvD_BwE

These statistics underscore the importance of having someone in a young person’s life that that they can look up to as a positive role model. As they learn from this older person, the older person may soon become a mentor. Ultimately, mentoring connects a young person to personal growth and development, and social and economic opportunity. 

However, mentors are not just for young children or youth in the home community. Mentors can also be someone in the workplace or an online community. Some dictionary definitions for a mentor are “a trusted counselor or guide.” This is because mentoring means looking beyond the professional's current job function by taking a more holistic approach to career development.

Thinking back throughout my life, I have been blessed with mentors whom I like to call my "guardian angels" who helped me as a young person and even in my career. A few teachers who believed that I had immense talent and kept encouraging me even when I thought I couldn't afford to dream. And in my work career, some taught me work skills and some empowered me with life skills.

I have enjoyed some great interactions with younger co-workers and interns from time to time - many of whom have gone on to great success in their careers. They have also left deep footprints in my heart from their openness to share their goals.

My most recent interaction has particularly touched me because I had the pleasure of working with a beautiful young graduate who was the bright spot in my busy week for several months. Through our interactions, as I shared my experiences of working with younger people, I was able to impress upon her the importance of mentoring. And to my delight and inexplicable joy, although she was initially not interested, she signed up to become a mentor at grad school!

Have you ever mentored anyone or thought of mentoring - officially or unofficially?

#mentoring #youngadults #community #giving back

2018: A Drape Odyssey (Adventures of a Sewing Novice)

Fascination with Fineries - Interior Decor

I've always had a penchant for fineries in fabric decor - not gaudy, but #stylishlyelegant #jacquards, #brocades, #silks, #voiles. The most important factor was that they had to hang sleekly and blend with the rest of the interior design. In the past, I have paid a tidy sum for custom drapes to fit my decorating style. Growing up with a mother and sisters who sewed, we never had to pay for sewing drapes or clothes, so the exorbitant charges for custom drapes always troubled me. The unfortunate thing was that I never learned to sew, even though I had a great eye for color and design as proven throughout my career in marketing!

Branching Out - Learning New Skills

After ending my last work assignment at the end of 2017, I wanted to learn new skills and devote some time to channel the sewing abilities of my late mother and sisters. After selecting the paint colors and wallpaper (endorsed by my husband), I decided to pick the fabrics to match the decor of each room to reflect the personalities of our family and also create a luxurious guest room to make our guests feel pampered.

Novice on a Mission: Plan into Action

In April, I set out on my #DrapeOdyssey with a tour of YouTube - choosing the different types of valances for each room because I wanted each room to have its own vibe. In the weeks that followed, YouTube would be my tutor in creating what I would consider my masterpieces representing a sophisticated and refined look that was still warm and livable.
I took a trip to New York City's garment district and found my #decorparadise at Prime Fabrics on 35th Street. My eyes feasted on luscious #silks, luxurious #jacquards from #brocades to every imaginable weave. Although I hadn't taken swatches of the wallpapers and paint, my innate ability of matching colors proved a great asset.

Fabric Textures and Styles

Bedroom 1 was dedicated to my son. Cream and gold were the accent colors so I chose a brocatelle in cream and golden copper for the drapes and a rich plain gold silk for #balloonvalances. This provided some color against the light wallpaper. For #privacy, I chose an off-white #voile with a woven pattern (not shown in pictures).

Bedroom 2 was dedicated to my daughter. Red and Beige were her accent colors so I chose a red and beige brocade for the box pleated valance and a plain beige silk jacquard for the drapes. #Voile privacy #sheer curtains would complete the look.

Bedroom 3 was the #guestroom with blue and gold. I chose a plain #antiquegold silk with a large border of an imperial brocade in blue and gold for the drapes. The #boxpleatedvalance would be the #imperialbrocade in blue and gold.

The living/family room was my statement piece - with my signature #redandgold. The #swagvalances would be in a red jacquard with the same design in gold for the pinch pleated drapes.

Fast and Furious - To the Finish Line

Patience and I have not been the best partners throughout my life, and I wanted the drapes to be done fast and furiously, so I could move on to other things. My trusty two year old #BrotherProjectRunway #sewingmachine had only been used once shortly after I bought it when my close childhood friend visited me and we sewed some skirts for me.The fact that the styles I had chosen were very complex for a novice like me who had no sewing training should have put a normal person off. But, like every #challenge I have faced in my personal and professional life, I faced it with the knowledge that I could learn fast!  

Lessons Learned - Purveyor of Style

• Staying on course and not giving in to frustration, I completed my drapes to my utter satisfaction! 
• I would not accept sacrificing quality in the interests of time.
• Details matter!Trim details gave an additional touch for a nice finish. 
• Sewing terminology and fabric textures were new territory to me. But, this proved again that I can learn any new skill when I set my mind to it.
• A purveyor of style ... I do have discriminating taste!

Showing My Roots

I inherited the premature gray hair gene from my late father. Couple this with the fact that my hair grows a quarter inch a week (from my late mother's side), it results in me having to color my hair every 3 weeks because my gray roots show against my darker hair!

Gray hair aside, I am proud of my roots - the morals and ethics that ground me when life throws a curve-ball or someone or something I believe in lets me down. My parents were two down to earth, honest, hard working people. My mother was a housewife, a medal she wore with pride, cooking three fresh complicated meals a day from scratch, hand washing and ironing clothes, fixing home made remedies for our ailments and being our community's counselor-at-large. I learned to listen to people and not judge them and that cooking should be a joyful experience.

My mother loved to dress up - even at home, she always had a well-tailored longer dress. When she went out, her saree was always draped well and hair neat in a bun. Special occasions always called for lipstick. She would always quip, "I may be getting older, but I am not dead yet," inspiring me to always be well-attired and never to leave home without lipstick.

My Dad rose before dawn every morning and went to the only job he had, at the national Savings Bank. Other than the days he worked overtime or had to run family errands after work, he was home like clockwork by 6 p.m. Dad instilled in us that we should always be loyal to our employer and that whatever was worth doing was worth doing well. 

There was no complaints department at our simple home in Sri Lanka. Our house was smaller than what was needed for all the children and later grandchildren who lived there, but no one ever complained that they didn't have their own rooms or the fact that we all had to share one bathroom and one shower room. Thank goodness, they were actually two separate rooms!

Looking back now, I realize our meals weren't always lavish by my American standards, but they were always fresh and delicious! And, somehow, there was always enough when unexpected guests arrived just around meal time. My parents never sent anyone away without having them partake of whatever we were eating or without the customary cuppa tea and local biscuits (referred to as cookies in America). They instilled in me to treat everyone like I would want to be treated and that the dining table should be laid out to be a feast for the eyes.

Not having a car never bothered my family as we all had to walk to school or church or take a bus to get to work. I attribute my strong calf muscles to the miles I walked in my younger days!

My dad instilled in me that "books not looks" would help me succeed in life, so I still love to read both fiction and non fiction, and learn new skills.

In all my decades living in the USA, people always ask me about my ethnicity because of my lighter coloring and darker hair. It's all about my roots - Dutch ancestry from my mother and Sri Lankan ancestry from my father. 

My parents may have been ordinary people in the eyes of the world, but to me they were exceptional. And, I am proud that I am always showing my roots - in my work ethic, in my morals, how I treat people, and how I carry myself!

Heart and Sole

One of my favorite quotes from Forrest Gump is about shoes ... "Momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going. Where they've been. I've worn lots of shoes. I bet if I think about it real hard I could remember my first pair of shoes. Momma said they'd take me anywhere. She said they was my magic shoes."

Unlike Forrest, my magic shoes aren't my first pair - they are the shoes that became such a part of me over time. The metaphorical "red stilettos" that encapsulate my career, my passion as a marketer. Just as I loved shoes my whole life, I loved to write and it is this love of writing and the balance of creativity and an analytical mindset that fit me well as I first forayed into a traditional marketing role.

The nice thing about magic shoes is that they give you the power to adapt to ever-changing conditions and I was able to embrace evolving trends of online and digital marketing. But, learning new things isn't necessarily a guarantee of success. One must understand that marketing is understanding human behavior and emotions - why do people respond to a message and why do different people react differently?

My trusty red stilettos have seen a lot of miles - you can tell they have a few scuffs from kicking obstacles out of the way, from wading in water to get to the other side. They tell of the times I had to dig in and the times I had to tip toe. But the heels are still steady and are ready for more miles. Each time I look down at my shoes, I can see the reflection of my face and my heart and I know that regardless of a company's size or industry, my shoes have made me the perfect fit.

The Longest Day - the Longest Run

June 20 was Game 7 of a historic 2013 NBA Finals, which ended at the dawn of the longest day in the Northern hemisphere.  This year’s NBA Finals was historic for a number of reasons:

·    The winner of Game 5 in a 2-2 tie did not go on to win the series.

·    In a victorious Game 5, Danny Green who made his first Finals appearance broke Ray Allen’s record of most 3-pointers in a Finals series. (Green made 26 through Game 6 – Allen’s record was 22.)

·     The San Antonio Spurs’ Tim Duncan came in as being the only player in NBA history to be in the finals in three decades.  A notable run!

If you were a casual basketball watcher and not into the stats, you would not know a lot about the Spurs star players because Coach Popovich doesn’t build superstars – he builds teams … quiet, unassuming teams who play not for individual glory but for team success. None of the Spurs roar on the floor, or draw attention through their bodies and hair or make histrionic moves that make them Hollywood worthy.  Somehow, I don’t see a multi-color tattooed Birdman Anderson or a long-bearded James Harden or other controversial player fitting into the comparatively conservative Spurs.

San Antonio is a small market – unlike Los Angeles (home of the Lakers and Clippers); New York (home of the Knicks and Nets) and Miami (home of the Heat), Chicago (home of the Bulls), Boston (home of the Celtics). If you haven’t seen Duncan, Ginobili, Parker or anyone else on the Spurs roster on Wheaties boxes or on national advertisements, it is by design. Greg Popovich prefers that his players focus on the game and not just fame or in some instances notoriety. Perhaps, there may have been some discomfort in Spurs camps when Tony Parker gained national media attention during his relationship with and eventual marriage to actress Eva Langoria and their divorce. 

If you were to pay attention to team chemistry, you will not find a tighter knit group than the Spurs. You will notice the quiet respect that Tim Duncan commands as the leader and the acceptance of each team player of their role. The quiet team spirit and their low key personalities on and off the court can be called their biggest strengths. Unfortunately, on a national level, these strengths have become their weakness. Except for die-hard basketball fans outside of San Antonio, few casual fans tune in to watch the Spurs – unless they are playing a nationally recognized team or an up and coming team like the Oklahoma City Thunder. 

According to the statistics, it is inevitable that Duncan, Parker and Ginobili will be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame after they retire, just like George "The Iceman" Gervin, Moses Malone, Dominique Wilkins, David Robinson. Their induction may probably be done sans the fanfare and media circuit interviews in the manner to which they are accustomed. 

If you watched the series, and saw Tim Duncan playing with the same strength and flexibility of the much younger Heat players, you may have not realized that Duncan was 37! The minutes Tony Parker was active on the floor may have made you forget that he had a hamstring injury. And for certain times during some of the games, vintage Ginobili transported us back 6 years ago when they won their last title.

As this team recovers from their heartbreaking loss, let us not forget the superstars on the Spurs team who deserve all the accolades for making this series a long run and who had to live the longest day knowing that victory was so within their reach.

Unlike most teams, the Spurs have remained competitive and relevant throughout Greg Popovich’s coaching history with them. Yet, for all their prowess in many aspects of the game, doesn’t it make you wonder whether being team players has sacrificed the Spurs’ ability to shine as individual super stars?

6 Degrees of Connection 6 N, 79 E

I love this variant on a John Muir quote, "Tug on anything at all and you'll find it connected to everything else in the universe." It became all the more relevant on a recent visit to Melbourne, Australia after almost 29 years, when I last visited my brother Anton soon after he migrated there in 1984. I moved to the US shortly thereafter. Before all that, Australia used to be one of my favorite destinations when I worked for Singapore Airlines in the late seventies and early eighties. 

My brother Anton had always maintained that I had an open invitation to visit him anytime, and to keep our close relationship more real, he made the long trip many times to visit me in the US. Finally, I put aside my dread of the long flights when he became a grandfather for the first time in March 2013. After all, I had to pass on stories of our childhood to the new generation and I could also meet my oldest nephew and his family who had since migrated to Australia as well. And, shortly before I left New York, I sent a private Facebook message to some of my old friends and arranged to meet them.

As I drove around in Melbourne with my brother and my friends, I noticed that everyone relied on their GPS systems in their vehicles and their mobile phones. Things had definitely changed in the 29 years since I was last in Australia. To put things in perspective, I was born and raised before the technology boom, at 79 Mayfield Road in Colombo, Sri Lanka. Now that most things involve GPS coordinates, I looked up my old home and was amazed to find that its GPS coordinates are 6°N 79°E. So, it should not be a surprise that during my visit to Australia and my stopover in Dubai, I discovered the 6 degrees of connection to my old home at 79 Mayfield Road.

When I spent the day with Joan, my former colleague from Singapore Airlines, we got chatting about the decades since we last met. She mentioned that her brother, whom I also knew, lived close by and that he and his wife Barathi wanted to meet me. A couple of weeks prior to my trip, I had learned that Barathi was related to my cousin's husband, so I was keen on meeting her. I had no idea that Barathi would connect me up with so many people I had been trying for years to reconnect with, but had not been able to. For starters, I learned that Barathi's mother's sister had lived up the street from my former home in Colombo.

As Barathi's mother and I chatted further, I found out that she was related to Rammy & Joyce whom I had known a long time ago and had stayed with on my very first trip to Australia. Then, I discovered that Pam, my friend and former colleague from the Tourism Promotion Board in Colombo was another of Barathi's mom's cousins. But, the most interesting coincidence of all was that Barathi and her husband lived next door to my very dear friend for many years, Chris--whom I had lost contact with and had tried several times to find.
Another night, when I connected up with my former classmates, my host Cheryl informed me that our former classmate Marina, who had the distinction of being the first in our class to get married was her neighbor! I had lost touch with Marina because she had moved to Australia right after the wedding. As I recapped my wonderful reunion with my classmates to my sister-in-law and the fact that I was also going to get in touch with another lost classmate, she told me that she had known Marina and her in-laws and would be delighted to meet her again. Talk about 6 degrees that make a difference even in different hemispheres!

Suffice it to say that I was able to meet with most of the people I reconnected with and at least talk to those whom time did not permit me to meet. Some people believe in the 6 degrees of separation. I have become a firm believer in the 6 degrees of connection.
Contemporary author, Chelsea Shakespeare sums up the idea of connections in the quote, “Everything is connected, like a delicate web ... New silvery strands come together every day, and once the strand is formed, no matter what superficial circumstances may sometimes keep you apart, it is never broken."

Have you had those moments when you tugged at one strand and it unraveled beautiful strands of connections?