Defining Moments - Motherhood

When I was growing up, I knew I wanted to get married someday and have children. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to act and sing and become a teacher, but the only thing I was sure that I was supposed to accomplish in life was marriage and motherhood. Because that was what was expected of females in my social strata. I had fed, played with, taught, bathed and dressed kids of my siblings, relatives and neighbors, so I thought I was ready to be a mother. That was ... until I became a mother.

January 28, 1984 changed me forever. I had stayed the night at Durden's Hospital, Colombo to get prepped for surgery. In the surgery room, I was nervous and the anesthesiologist was talking to me to keep me calm and as he injected me. He asked me what baby I wanted. I said, "as long as it is healthy and normal, I don't mind. But, I really would like to have a boy." The next thing I remember is hearing a baby crying and the doctor proclaiming, "It's a boy!" Still groggy, I said, "I knew God would give me a son."

An Heir is Born

When I woke up in the recovery room, I started yelling, "Michael, where's Michael, we have a son!" I kept repeating this as the attendant wheeled me all the way to my hospital room. A few hours later, a nurse brought in my newborn son and placed him next to me to feed. My baby instinctively knew how to suckle. Still weak from surgery, I slowly held him for a few minutes and saw the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. It was like looking into the eyes of an angel. And, the stunning realization of actually giving birth to this amazing person struck me with awe. 

first Christmas - first train set

Don & his Teddy Bear "Ethee"

Soon, the visitors and flowers kept streaming in. And, I received the first toy for our son... a cute little teddy bear from Maya Vikrantha. 
We had to name our son and I wanted a fancy name like Alain (after the handsome Alain Delon) but Michael thought people would call our son Elaine. I suggested Tarik - it sounded so exotic. Another resounding NO from Michael. After throwing out some other names, I gave up and Michael firmly decided that this new addition who would take center stage in our lives would be called "Don Michael Lloyd Walpola, Jr.," after his dad. The "Don" was a title/name that came down the generations and our son was the first one in the line of Don Willard Walpola.

After I went back home, the realization set in. I was a Mom! I had a living, breathing, human being to take care of even when I was tired. We tried a couple of maids, but they just didn't fit Michael's and my needs for taking care of our little heir. And, I decided to go back to work after two months. So, my sister Jean used to come in every morning and stay till evening with strict instructions on how to feed, burp, wash and change our baby. Everything was hyper-sterile and anyone who held him had to wash their hands right before they held him.

In early 1985, just as Don turned one, we left the sunny beaches of Sri Lanka and moved to the US. I was young and it seemed like an adventure. Little did I know that life was going to be so different and so challenging. Michael was going to college, I found a job and we both had to balance raising this one year-old. By the grace of God, I found friends and a great church. Without their moral support, I have no idea what life would have been.

first steps

  

Four years later, Don became a big brother, a role he embraced with delight and he's been a solid rock of support for Tara.

Motherhood: if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart

Over the years, I've seen similarities and differences between my children and traits inherited from both Michael and me. 

Don graduated from UC Berkeley with an undergrad in Applied Math and went on to graduate with a Masters in Statistics - Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning. Tara graduated from New York University with an undergrad in creative writing.They both have a great sense of humor and are exceptionally creative. What gives me the greatest satisfaction is that they are both centered and have a great value system.

To my children I say “I loved you before I knew you.” “Of all the things my hands have held, the best, by far, is you.” 

How has motherhood changed you?

Making Memories Through Mentoring

 My parents taught me the importance of giving back to the community and I have been involved in community activities since I was a teenager. Helping others gives me the greatest joy and I’m always inspired by the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, “to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” As a teenager I was involved in church activities serving the community and from time to time in my working career, I have been engaged in programs with young adults such as Boys & Girls Clubs, United Way to name a few. When I saw the following statistics, it moved me to write this article.

Source: https://www.mentoring.org/mentoring-impact/?gclid=CjwKCAjw2f-VBhAsEiwAO4lNeESwnYIL7sLuXXrxw7XyS0HXgxQkvHjbm3o7vvVaAXRaLRJX4HmX0RoC6SoQAvD_BwE

These statistics underscore the importance of having someone in a young person’s life that that they can look up to as a positive role model. As they learn from this older person, the older person may soon become a mentor. Ultimately, mentoring connects a young person to personal growth and development, and social and economic opportunity. 

However, mentors are not just for young children or youth in the home community. Mentors can also be someone in the workplace or an online community. Some dictionary definitions for a mentor are “a trusted counselor or guide.” This is because mentoring means looking beyond the professional's current job function by taking a more holistic approach to career development.

Thinking back throughout my life, I have been blessed with mentors whom I like to call my "guardian angels" who helped me as a young person and even in my career. A few teachers who believed that I had immense talent and kept encouraging me even when I thought I couldn't afford to dream. And in my work career, some taught me work skills and some empowered me with life skills.

I have enjoyed some great interactions with younger co-workers and interns from time to time - many of whom have gone on to great success in their careers. They have also left deep footprints in my heart from their openness to share their goals.

My most recent interaction has particularly touched me because I had the pleasure of working with a beautiful young graduate who was the bright spot in my busy week for several months. Through our interactions, as I shared my experiences of working with younger people, I was able to impress upon her the importance of mentoring. And to my delight and inexplicable joy, although she was initially not interested, she signed up to become a mentor at grad school!

Have you ever mentored anyone or thought of mentoring - officially or unofficially?

#mentoring #youngadults #community #giving back

2018: A Drape Odyssey (Adventures of a Sewing Novice)

Fascination with Fineries - Interior Decor

I've always had a penchant for fineries in fabric decor - not gaudy, but #stylishlyelegant #jacquards, #brocades, #silks, #voiles. The most important factor was that they had to hang sleekly and blend with the rest of the interior design. In the past, I have paid a tidy sum for custom drapes to fit my decorating style. Growing up with a mother and sisters who sewed, we never had to pay for sewing drapes or clothes, so the exorbitant charges for custom drapes always troubled me. The unfortunate thing was that I never learned to sew, even though I had a great eye for color and design as proven throughout my career in marketing!

Branching Out - Learning New Skills

After ending my last work assignment at the end of 2017, I wanted to learn new skills and devote some time to channel the sewing abilities of my late mother and sisters. After selecting the paint colors and wallpaper (endorsed by my husband), I decided to pick the fabrics to match the decor of each room to reflect the personalities of our family and also create a luxurious guest room to make our guests feel pampered.

Novice on a Mission: Plan into Action

In April, I set out on my #DrapeOdyssey with a tour of YouTube - choosing the different types of valances for each room because I wanted each room to have its own vibe. In the weeks that followed, YouTube would be my tutor in creating what I would consider my masterpieces representing a sophisticated and refined look that was still warm and livable.
I took a trip to New York City's garment district and found my #decorparadise at Prime Fabrics on 35th Street. My eyes feasted on luscious #silks, luxurious #jacquards from #brocades to every imaginable weave. Although I hadn't taken swatches of the wallpapers and paint, my innate ability of matching colors proved a great asset.

Fabric Textures and Styles

Bedroom 1 was dedicated to my son. Cream and gold were the accent colors so I chose a brocatelle in cream and golden copper for the drapes and a rich plain gold silk for #balloonvalances. This provided some color against the light wallpaper. For #privacy, I chose an off-white #voile with a woven pattern (not shown in pictures).

Bedroom 2 was dedicated to my daughter. Red and Beige were her accent colors so I chose a red and beige brocade for the box pleated valance and a plain beige silk jacquard for the drapes. #Voile privacy #sheer curtains would complete the look.

Bedroom 3 was the #guestroom with blue and gold. I chose a plain #antiquegold silk with a large border of an imperial brocade in blue and gold for the drapes. The #boxpleatedvalance would be the #imperialbrocade in blue and gold.

The living/family room was my statement piece - with my signature #redandgold. The #swagvalances would be in a red jacquard with the same design in gold for the pinch pleated drapes.

Fast and Furious - To the Finish Line

Patience and I have not been the best partners throughout my life, and I wanted the drapes to be done fast and furiously, so I could move on to other things. My trusty two year old #BrotherProjectRunway #sewingmachine had only been used once shortly after I bought it when my close childhood friend visited me and we sewed some skirts for me.The fact that the styles I had chosen were very complex for a novice like me who had no sewing training should have put a normal person off. But, like every #challenge I have faced in my personal and professional life, I faced it with the knowledge that I could learn fast!  

Lessons Learned - Purveyor of Style

• Staying on course and not giving in to frustration, I completed my drapes to my utter satisfaction! 
• I would not accept sacrificing quality in the interests of time.
• Details matter!Trim details gave an additional touch for a nice finish. 
• Sewing terminology and fabric textures were new territory to me. But, this proved again that I can learn any new skill when I set my mind to it.
• A purveyor of style ... I do have discriminating taste!

Showing My Roots

I inherited the premature gray hair gene from my late father. Couple this with the fact that my hair grows a quarter inch a week (from my late mother's side), it results in me having to color my hair every 3 weeks because my gray roots show against my darker hair!

Gray hair aside, I am proud of my roots - the morals and ethics that ground me when life throws a curve-ball or someone or something I believe in lets me down. My parents were two down to earth, honest, hard working people. My mother was a housewife, a medal she wore with pride, cooking three fresh complicated meals a day from scratch, hand washing and ironing clothes, fixing home made remedies for our ailments and being our community's counselor-at-large. I learned to listen to people and not judge them and that cooking should be a joyful experience.

My mother loved to dress up - even at home, she always had a well-tailored longer dress. When she went out, her saree was always draped well and hair neat in a bun. Special occasions always called for lipstick. She would always quip, "I may be getting older, but I am not dead yet," inspiring me to always be well-attired and never to leave home without lipstick.

My Dad rose before dawn every morning and went to the only job he had, at the national Savings Bank. Other than the days he worked overtime or had to run family errands after work, he was home like clockwork by 6 p.m. Dad instilled in us that we should always be loyal to our employer and that whatever was worth doing was worth doing well. 

There was no complaints department at our simple home in Sri Lanka. Our house was smaller than what was needed for all the children and later grandchildren who lived there, but no one ever complained that they didn't have their own rooms or the fact that we all had to share one bathroom and one shower room. Thank goodness, they were actually two separate rooms!

Looking back now, I realize our meals weren't always lavish by my American standards, but they were always fresh and delicious! And, somehow, there was always enough when unexpected guests arrived just around meal time. My parents never sent anyone away without having them partake of whatever we were eating or without the customary cuppa tea and local biscuits (referred to as cookies in America). They instilled in me to treat everyone like I would want to be treated and that the dining table should be laid out to be a feast for the eyes.

Not having a car never bothered my family as we all had to walk to school or church or take a bus to get to work. I attribute my strong calf muscles to the miles I walked in my younger days!

My dad instilled in me that "books not looks" would help me succeed in life, so I still love to read both fiction and non fiction, and learn new skills.

In all my decades living in the USA, people always ask me about my ethnicity because of my lighter coloring and darker hair. It's all about my roots - Dutch ancestry from my mother and Sri Lankan ancestry from my father. 

My parents may have been ordinary people in the eyes of the world, but to me they were exceptional. And, I am proud that I am always showing my roots - in my work ethic, in my morals, how I treat people, and how I carry myself!

Heart and Sole

One of my favorite quotes from Forrest Gump is about shoes ... "Momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going. Where they've been. I've worn lots of shoes. I bet if I think about it real hard I could remember my first pair of shoes. Momma said they'd take me anywhere. She said they was my magic shoes."

Unlike Forrest, my magic shoes aren't my first pair - they are the shoes that became such a part of me over time. The metaphorical "red stilettos" that encapsulate my career, my passion as a marketer. Just as I loved shoes my whole life, I loved to write and it is this love of writing and the balance of creativity and an analytical mindset that fit me well as I first forayed into a traditional marketing role.

The nice thing about magic shoes is that they give you the power to adapt to ever-changing conditions and I was able to embrace evolving trends of online and digital marketing. But, learning new things isn't necessarily a guarantee of success. One must understand that marketing is understanding human behavior and emotions - why do people respond to a message and why do different people react differently?

My trusty red stilettos have seen a lot of miles - you can tell they have a few scuffs from kicking obstacles out of the way, from wading in water to get to the other side. They tell of the times I had to dig in and the times I had to tip toe. But the heels are still steady and are ready for more miles. Each time I look down at my shoes, I can see the reflection of my face and my heart and I know that regardless of a company's size or industry, my shoes have made me the perfect fit.

The Longest Day - the Longest Run

June 20 was Game 7 of a historic 2013 NBA Finals, which ended at the dawn of the longest day in the Northern hemisphere.  This year’s NBA Finals was historic for a number of reasons:

·    The winner of Game 5 in a 2-2 tie did not go on to win the series.

·    In a victorious Game 5, Danny Green who made his first Finals appearance broke Ray Allen’s record of most 3-pointers in a Finals series. (Green made 26 through Game 6 – Allen’s record was 22.)

·     The San Antonio Spurs’ Tim Duncan came in as being the only player in NBA history to be in the finals in three decades.  A notable run!

If you were a casual basketball watcher and not into the stats, you would not know a lot about the Spurs star players because Coach Popovich doesn’t build superstars – he builds teams … quiet, unassuming teams who play not for individual glory but for team success. None of the Spurs roar on the floor, or draw attention through their bodies and hair or make histrionic moves that make them Hollywood worthy.  Somehow, I don’t see a multi-color tattooed Birdman Anderson or a long-bearded James Harden or other controversial player fitting into the comparatively conservative Spurs.

San Antonio is a small market – unlike Los Angeles (home of the Lakers and Clippers); New York (home of the Knicks and Nets) and Miami (home of the Heat), Chicago (home of the Bulls), Boston (home of the Celtics). If you haven’t seen Duncan, Ginobili, Parker or anyone else on the Spurs roster on Wheaties boxes or on national advertisements, it is by design. Greg Popovich prefers that his players focus on the game and not just fame or in some instances notoriety. Perhaps, there may have been some discomfort in Spurs camps when Tony Parker gained national media attention during his relationship with and eventual marriage to actress Eva Langoria and their divorce. 

If you were to pay attention to team chemistry, you will not find a tighter knit group than the Spurs. You will notice the quiet respect that Tim Duncan commands as the leader and the acceptance of each team player of their role. The quiet team spirit and their low key personalities on and off the court can be called their biggest strengths. Unfortunately, on a national level, these strengths have become their weakness. Except for die-hard basketball fans outside of San Antonio, few casual fans tune in to watch the Spurs – unless they are playing a nationally recognized team or an up and coming team like the Oklahoma City Thunder. 

According to the statistics, it is inevitable that Duncan, Parker and Ginobili will be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame after they retire, just like George "The Iceman" Gervin, Moses Malone, Dominique Wilkins, David Robinson. Their induction may probably be done sans the fanfare and media circuit interviews in the manner to which they are accustomed. 

If you watched the series, and saw Tim Duncan playing with the same strength and flexibility of the much younger Heat players, you may have not realized that Duncan was 37! The minutes Tony Parker was active on the floor may have made you forget that he had a hamstring injury. And for certain times during some of the games, vintage Ginobili transported us back 6 years ago when they won their last title.

As this team recovers from their heartbreaking loss, let us not forget the superstars on the Spurs team who deserve all the accolades for making this series a long run and who had to live the longest day knowing that victory was so within their reach.

Unlike most teams, the Spurs have remained competitive and relevant throughout Greg Popovich’s coaching history with them. Yet, for all their prowess in many aspects of the game, doesn’t it make you wonder whether being team players has sacrificed the Spurs’ ability to shine as individual super stars?

6 Degrees of Connection 6 N, 79 E

I love this variant on a John Muir quote, "Tug on anything at all and you'll find it connected to everything else in the universe." It became all the more relevant on a recent visit to Melbourne, Australia after almost 29 years, when I last visited my brother Anton soon after he migrated there in 1984. I moved to the US shortly thereafter. Before all that, Australia used to be one of my favorite destinations when I worked for Singapore Airlines in the late seventies and early eighties. 

My brother Anton had always maintained that I had an open invitation to visit him anytime, and to keep our close relationship more real, he made the long trip many times to visit me in the US. Finally, I put aside my dread of the long flights when he became a grandfather for the first time in March 2013. After all, I had to pass on stories of our childhood to the new generation and I could also meet my oldest nephew and his family who had since migrated to Australia as well. And, shortly before I left New York, I sent a private Facebook message to some of my old friends and arranged to meet them.

As I drove around in Melbourne with my brother and my friends, I noticed that everyone relied on their GPS systems in their vehicles and their mobile phones. Things had definitely changed in the 29 years since I was last in Australia. To put things in perspective, I was born and raised before the technology boom, at 79 Mayfield Road in Colombo, Sri Lanka. Now that most things involve GPS coordinates, I looked up my old home and was amazed to find that its GPS coordinates are 6°N 79°E. So, it should not be a surprise that during my visit to Australia and my stopover in Dubai, I discovered the 6 degrees of connection to my old home at 79 Mayfield Road.

When I spent the day with Joan, my former colleague from Singapore Airlines, we got chatting about the decades since we last met. She mentioned that her brother, whom I also knew, lived close by and that he and his wife Barathi wanted to meet me. A couple of weeks prior to my trip, I had learned that Barathi was related to my cousin's husband, so I was keen on meeting her. I had no idea that Barathi would connect me up with so many people I had been trying for years to reconnect with, but had not been able to. For starters, I learned that Barathi's mother's sister had lived up the street from my former home in Colombo.

As Barathi's mother and I chatted further, I found out that she was related to Rammy & Joyce whom I had known a long time ago and had stayed with on my very first trip to Australia. Then, I discovered that Pam, my friend and former colleague from the Tourism Promotion Board in Colombo was another of Barathi's mom's cousins. But, the most interesting coincidence of all was that Barathi and her husband lived next door to my very dear friend for many years, Chris--whom I had lost contact with and had tried several times to find.
Another night, when I connected up with my former classmates, my host Cheryl informed me that our former classmate Marina, who had the distinction of being the first in our class to get married was her neighbor! I had lost touch with Marina because she had moved to Australia right after the wedding. As I recapped my wonderful reunion with my classmates to my sister-in-law and the fact that I was also going to get in touch with another lost classmate, she told me that she had known Marina and her in-laws and would be delighted to meet her again. Talk about 6 degrees that make a difference even in different hemispheres!

Suffice it to say that I was able to meet with most of the people I reconnected with and at least talk to those whom time did not permit me to meet. Some people believe in the 6 degrees of separation. I have become a firm believer in the 6 degrees of connection.
Contemporary author, Chelsea Shakespeare sums up the idea of connections in the quote, “Everything is connected, like a delicate web ... New silvery strands come together every day, and once the strand is formed, no matter what superficial circumstances may sometimes keep you apart, it is never broken."

Have you had those moments when you tugged at one strand and it unraveled beautiful strands of connections?


 

The Grand Sweet Song Of Life

I swear I have a jukebox in my head. In the middle of conversations, certain words trigger a song I have heard. Sometimes, I know the whole song, and sometimes, it is just a line or two. I often wake up with a song on my mind. So, it should be no surprise that I love music. I love almost all genres ... except heavy metal, head banger loud music and obscene rap. And, boy, do I love to sing!

My love for music and singing goes back as far as I can remember. When I was growing up, my family never owned a record player or a musical instrument. No one in our family played an instrument and none of us took music lessons. But, there was always always music in our humble home. My sister Jean had a Blaupunkt transistor radio, which we all gathered around and sang along to whatever Radio Ceylon was playing. My brothers were never short on friends and several of them played guitar. It was not uncommon for them to drop by with my brothers for an impromptu sing song.

My mother, devout Catholic that she was, always planned pilgrimages to various churches throughout the year to celebrate Mother Mary's feasts or a Saint's day. Mum usually hired (rented) a couple of buses and my brother's musician friends were always invited. On our way to the church we sang hymns, but on our way back, almost as soon as we left the church compound and had sung a hymn or two, we broke into regular music - ranging from the popular western music to Sinhala baila music.

I was always seated in the back with the musicians and the singers (male and female). I must admit that I hardly sat because even as the bus was swerving along, I was among those in the aisle dancing and singing. When we stopped for breaks, the music did not stop. We would get off the bus and sing, and, as far as my memory takes me back, I was always thrust into the center to chants of "Dance, Molly, Dance!" It was a request I could not refuse and soon others on the bus would join in. Other travelers would stop and either sing along if they knew the songs or clap their hands in tune.

My love for music continued as I grew up. I was part of the school choirs and joined the youth movement choir. Although I could not read music, I had a good ear and could follow along very quickly. I was the first to take popular songs and write Christian parodies that we sang at our youth Mass. Our choir led by Dennis Ramanaden was often requested to sing at weddings and other important functions at our Cathedral. Our youth movement also participated in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar and my brother Reggie played Herod to my Mary Magdalene. Shortly after that, I played a nun in a production of Sound of Music that had two weekend showings.

Whenever there was a party, I was always invited because I could be counted on to be first on the floor to get the party started. In my early 20s, When I became a radio announcer at Sri Lanka Broadcasting Corporation, it was a dream come true to play the music that I so enjoyed and to touch the records from bygone eras, evoking all the memories of my childhood.

Years later after I married, had a son and moved to the US, I bought the latest Disney music and sang along to the tapes. My son joined as soon as he could sing along. My children grew up hearing music always coming out of our home sound system and me singing along to the car radio. When my son was 16, he wanted to play guitar. Not knowing if this was a passing fancy, we bought him an acoustic guitar. With a few friends from school, he formed a band and taught himself to play. We indulged him with an electric base guitar and amplifier. He took his love for music to new heights, learning music and writing songs and lyrics.

A few weeks ago, my son was driving with me to see a movie and I had the radio on and was belting out to Elton John's "Don't let the sun go down." He smiled and looked at me and said, "You know that you taught me to love music. Do you remember those Disney songs that you and I would sing to? That was where it all began ... and I always heard you singing." In that instant when my son and I were seeing eye to eye, I remembered the words of Plato, "Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue."

Kebayas and Crowns

I woke up with a headache – I was feeling the after effects of the champagne and the wine. I was in the afterglow of last night’s celebrations and my spontaneous acceptance speech. Next to my bed, the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay reminded me of the thrill of winning an award for telling the story of a global reunion of close colleagues. More importantly, it was validation of the strength of the relationships that were established in the innocence of our youth in the 80s. Despite time and space, we had been able to pick right up where we had left off, even though all of us were now parents with children almost the age we were when we had formed the close bonds of friendship.


Who would have thought that when I initially penned my diary of events since the auspicious trip to London that it would become a movie script that would bring together a constellation of stars. As director, Clint Eastwood was able to bring to life the emotion, laughter and quirkiness of each of us. Halle Berry played Iranthi Anandappa to perfection, even getting her “Yah” expressions interspersed so effectively.

I had wanted to play my own role, but Reese Witherspoon’s convincing performance made me realize that it would never have been such a Box Office hit without her. Her sense of stylish elegance combined with her bubbly personality brought out all the subtle nuances of my mischievous personality. She had won her second Academy Award for Actress in a lead role. Halle Berry had won her second for Actress in a supporting role.

Colin Firth was an excellent selection to play Jeremy Soertz who had a confidence with a soft aura of endearing arrogance that was more charming than offensive. I must admit that my initial trepidation about George Clooney playing Prince Kamalanesan was eradicated when Clooney brought out Prince’s “aw shucks sincerity.”

Yes, Clint Eastwood’s casting was spot on. Aishwarya Rai as Maya Daniels, Jim Carrey as Fabian Rooff. Charlize Theron as Becky Wambeek. He even managed to get Shahrukh Khan to play the role of Siva Ramachandran. Khan had turned down the role of the game show host in the blockbuster Slum Dog Millionaire, so the fact that he signed on for our movie was beyond belief.


My reverie was interrupted with my phone ringing off the hook and my Blackberry was signaling the flood of emails. I realize I need to get my coffee so I can focus on the time differences in the various parts of the world and call each one of SQ Eighties team who had made the reunion possible. This award was for each of them who inspired the story.


We were the Royal Flush … all the high value cards in the same vein. Although we were each different, the unifying factor was our common interest in doing the best job we could. We didn’t compete with each other, yet we helped each other succeed. We shared our successes and our disappointments. We had the best time of our lives – unfazed by whatever was going on. This was before TV, the digital age or the Internet. Our entertainment consisted of any kind of get together – lunches, dinner parties, picnics and playing pranks.


As I held the Oscar in my hand again, I smiled thinking back to 2012—the year Queen Elizabeth II celebrated her 60 years of wearing the crown as Monarch of Great Britain. It was the year that started the global reconnection of the Colombo Singapore Airlines staff of the eighties. The era when the Singapore Girls of Colombo wore their Kebayas with pride and the team embraced the airline’s motto “In Pursuit of Excellence.”

And I reached for the phone to call Iranthi to thank her for her encouragement to develop the script that eventually became the blockbuster movie that earned me my first Oscar and the thrill of working with Sir Elton John on the lyrics for the songs. That was the crowning moment of my life because it doesn’t get more Royal than that!

Building Bridges in London

Ever since I remember I have wanted to visit London. Growing up in a former British Colony that had gained independence just 10 years before I was born, we were still pretty much influenced by Great Britain. My father's love for English literature instilled a passion in his children for the written and spoken word. I took this passion a step further by studying drama and excelling in the works of William Shakespeare. 

Beyond the literature, my father encouraged us to read about Britain's rich history and about the time when the sun never set on the British Empire. I was a frequent attendee at the Colombo British Council screenings of British history or Shakespearean films. One movie that fascinated and intrigued me was "Bequest to the Nation" - the movie about Lord Horatio Nelson, the hero of the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805.

And of course, who wasn't taken up with the whole Royal wedding fanfare in 1981? 1981 seemed to be an auspicious and eventful year. My brother Josh married Magdalene in May that year, Prince Charles & Lady Diana's fairytale wedding was in July and I got married in October. By strange coincidence, Queen Elizabeth was visiting Sri Lanka on my wedding day on October 24, 1981!

Fast forward to 2012 ... Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana's son William and Kate will be celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary. HRH Queen Elizabeth II will be celebrating her Diamond Jubilee as Monarch. The venue for the Summer Olympics will be ... London! It seemed like the perfect time for me to plan my much anticipated visit to London.

My original plans were to stay with a friend of mine who had been asking me to visit him for almost 30 years. His requests had become more eager after he and his family visited my family in 2005. So in March, I finally made the arrangements. I planned to be in London for 10 days, doing the usual "tourist things," visiting the places of interest that I had read so much about and then return home to celebrate my birthday with my husband.

And then, 1981 took over. My sister Jean gave me the London phone number for Philomena (my brother Josh's sister-in-law). We had both been bridesmaids at Josh & Magdalene's wedding. She insisted that I stay with her a few days and that I also visit her sister Catherine in Scotland. And then, I wrote a casual email to a couple of my former colleagues from Singapore Airlines who had been living in London for more than 25 years, as long as I had been living in the United States. Iranthi, my former colleague who had joined Singapore Airlines in 1981 responded that she would love to host a lunch at her place the day after I arrived.

Then, during a conversation with Dennis and Cecilia, friends of mine from my teens, I learned that they would be visiting Dennis' sister Rosemary in London on their way to Prague. Dennis had been the choir leader at my church and had sung "Ave Maria" at my wedding. I hadn't seen Dennis and Cecilia for almost 30 years, because I had moved out of my home town after I got married.

Needless to say, with all the interconnections of 1981, my plans became fluid ... I reconnected with close friends I had not been in touch with for almost 30 years. My first cousin Geetha and I had reconnected via Facebook after more than 35 years. Her mother and my dad were siblings and had shared the same love of literature and history. My dad and I would entertain her with excerpts from Shakespeare and she also participated in the  ribald jokes and repartee with the rest of my family. She loved to go with us to the movies and we had seen "My Fair Lady" a couple of times because it enjoyed a successful six month run in the cinema circuit in Sri Lanka. Regretably, After my father's death in 1979, we had grown apart. I was finally going to meet Geetha and her family! 

From the time I landed at Heathrow, I had the time of my life in London and Scotland. I was tourist by day, but friend, confidante and "sister" by evening. Geetha made our physical reunion so memorable and she made my visit unforgettable. I visited most of the places that I had planned on seeing. 

I stood in Trafalgar Square beside Nelson's Column and I recalled the life and times of the victorious Lord Horatio Nelson. As I gazed at most of the 24 bridges in Central London, I gained a deeper understanding of Britain's naval supremacy of yore. I visited many war memorials and felt the sense of heroism of the brave men and women who brought freedom to Europe and the West. 

I was in awe at London's Parliament where a former Chemist brought men to tears and earned the nickname "Iron Lady" ... the true seat of Democracy where integrity is still valued and expected. And there was Westminster Abbey and Big Ben, untouched by the relentless bombing by Germany.  

Dwarfed beside the towering statue of Dwight D. Eisenhower in Grosvenor Square, I could sense his power as Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces in Europe in WWII. As I walked around this area, I was transported back to the time when the greatest minds were formulating strategies to win the war.

As I reflect on my visit to London, my feelings can be summed up in the statement I made standing in front of Buckingham Palace. "These may not be the Pearly Gates, but I sure feel like I have died and gone to heaven."

While I enjoyed visiting the places of historical significance, what resonated most for me was the rekindling of the relationships ... the building of the bridges. I reconnected with people I hadn't talked to in decades ... people who knew me when I was very young. I will continue to nurture and strengthen them because that is what recharged me emotionally and spiritually. The nuances and significance of 1981 will not be missed.

Dressing Up for Life's Runway

“Fashion fades, only style remains the same.” – Coco Chanel

As long as I remember, I was always stylishly well-dressed. And, until I was about 12, for special occasions, my outfits had custom-designed hats. I owe this to my sister Jean, who worked at a high-end textile and tailoring shop in the heart of Colombo’s bustling metropole, known as Fort. At that time, Colombo’s Fort was in close proximity to Sri Lanka’s Parliament, Governor’s House (which became President’s House), all the major airline offices, banks as well as the most prestigious hotels and commercial establishments. It was at this shop that the crème-de-la-crème of high society shopped and had their clothes tailored by some of Colombo’s most sought after custom tailors. Fortunately for my sisters and me, Jean picked up some incredible deals on luxurious fabrics and learned intricate tips on sewing ladies dresses.

Being the youngest, and considerably younger than Jean, I looked forward to going with my mother to visit Jean. As I showcased my newly tailored outfits, I received gushing compliments from the elite clientele and store management while the tailors were impressed with Jean’s attention to detail. And Jean was pleased that although I was a tomboy at home, when I was all dressed up, I looked and acted like a lady and never ruined my clothes.

I was too young to understand what people meant when they said I had a great head for hats. I just felt elegant with the contraptions on my head so I walked confidently. To my dismay, I stopped getting my stylish hats when Leonard the hatmaker died suddenly. And, for reasons unknown to me, the store never replaced him. Beyond his craft, Leonard was also a very nice man and we had become family friends with everyone who worked with Jean. When he died, we mourned his loss as we would a family member.

As I developed into a teenager, inspired by some of the fashion magazines that my oldest sister Jan used to buy, I started sketching designs for my dresses, artfully executed by Jean. By then, I was becoming more involved in social activities, especially in church and in a culture where appearance mattered, Jean made sure that I was dressed to the hilt, often lending me her gold jewelry to complement my glamorous outfits at some very high profile social events.

When I was 18, I briefly worked for the United National Party, while they were in Opposition. At its first-ever Christmas party Jean proudly watched as I was chosen “Best Dressed Woman” by the future President of Sri Lanka, future minister of State and another prominent politician. With the cash award I received, I placed an order for a pair of shoes I designed.

During my seven-year tenure at Singapore Airlines, I was constantly complimented for my sense of style and my clothes. I remember the Ad Agency executive telling me on several occasions, “You must spend a fortune on your clothes.” Little did he know that, thanks to Jean, I spent nothing because she never charged for tailoring, nor did she charge me for the elaborate fabrics she bought at a significant discount from the store where she worked.
Jean never complained about staying up late into the night sewing an outfit that I could wear the next day for a special occasion. Those who hadn’t visited my home thought I was more affluent than I really was.

In the past 27 years I have lived in the U.S., I have continued my indulgence for fashion – with one exception. I have had to “spend a fortune.” But, I do it because I cannot bring myself to wear something that is ill fitting or with shoddy workmanship after I have had the privilege of wearing clothes that draped my figure well. And, because Jean raised me to be a fashionista, there are certain things that cannot be compromised.

"Fashion is a kind of communication. It's a language without words. A great hat speaks for itself." (author unknown)

A Fontaholic's Dilemma

More than 20 years ago, when I became immersed in marketing collateral design, I began an appreciation for fonts. Today, I confess I am somewhat of a fontaholic, obsessing about the use of fonts to the point of being distracted even while reading a restaurant menu. Sometimes, I can't choose my meal if there is a poor use of font and menu design.

I think back to the days before digital printing, when printing presses used dies. According to The History of Printing (www.printlocal.com), Johannes Gutenberg perfected the technology of movable type in 1458 to help printing press realize its full potential. Movable type – letters of the alphabet, numerals, and punctuation marks constructed of durable metal – could be assembled into a page of text, then disassembled and re-used to create a new page of text.

The article goes on to say that early printers needed both a printing press and a type font – the set of movable type – to produce books. Type was cast from molten metal poured into carved molds; the task of carving the molds was the done by typographers. (My 1981 wedding invitation was printed using two dies.) 


From the late 1600s to the late 1800s – the printing press and the science of typecutting had only minor refinements. Then in 1814, The Times of London introduced the first steam press to replaced hand-operated presses; in 1868 the rotary steam press was introduced. With that came the fonts as we know them today, starting with Times New Roman.


Planetoftheweb.com's "History of Typeography" notes that Claude Garamond from France was the first that developed the first true printing typeface not designed to imitate handwriting, but designed on rigid Geometric principles. Garamond also began the tradition of naming typefaces after the designer. Caslon, Baskerville, Bodoni, Goudy soon followed. In 1954, Max Miedinger, a Swiss artist created the most popular typeface of our time...Helvetica. The Swiss also championed the use of white space as a design element.


Fast forward to the modern era ... everyone with a computer has become a designer with access to so many fonts that come pre-installed with programs. Unfortunately, some misuse and abuse the fonts and make a mockery of good design.


In my opinion--which is commonly shared by graphic designers--a font says a lot about the published piece, regardless of the medium. It is like clothes that someone wears. Adobe Garamond and Gill Sans are two of my favorite fonts and they are often used by brands with sophisticated style. Sabon is another classy font used in corporate communication. Newspapers, magazines and practically every college paper uses Times New Roman. Trade Gothic is used in all classified ads and most forms of advertising. Where space is of the essence, Franklin Gothic is used. (source:  http://webrulon.com/30-awesome-fonts-that-all-designers-must-know-and-should-own/.)


So, when you are at a restaurant, after you have decided on your order, spend a little time checking out the fonts on the menu. See if you agree with the design and whether it helped you decide quickly or whether it distracted you because it was either hard to read or too cluttered. A badly designed menu may remind you of some garishly dressed person who caught your attention and you wondered, "Did that person look in the mirror before they left the house?"

The Fabric of our Lives

For my office holiday party this past December, I wore a black silk saree with Aishwarya Rai's face intricately woven with gold silk threads on the top and bottom border. She was also on the Pallu - the portion that drapes over the shoulder. The saree was iconic and so was Aishwarya Rai. Everybody noticed this.

Everyone takes photos these days with iPhones, Blackberries and a whole lot more. They got me, but they did not get the intricate details of Aishwarya on the saree. Apparently, the lighting and flash reflected against the gold threads and all that could be seen was a large nondescript design of black and gold.

Some of my friends and relatives recommended taking pictures of the saree with my webcam or placing it in sunlight or turning off the flash. I tried various techniques but wasn't able to get a decent picture showing the "pallu" and border, until my nephew from Australia visited us for Christmas. Johann Ponnampalam has a great eye for photography (a family talent that somehow eluded me)and was able to place me in the proper lighting path and use the right lens to vividly capture the delicate details and contrast of the black silk against the intricate design of Aishwarya's facial features.

I have always believed that our lives are a woven fabric of relationships. The designs range from simple to complex and can be two-toned, or multi-toned (or bari-toned) based on the nature of our relationships relative to the complexities of the individuals and situations. At first blush, it may sometimes be difficult to see the intricate design we weave because of dark times, distance or a reflection of our values, experiences, feelings.

However, with the love and patience of a trained eye, one can see the beauty and uniqueness of each relationship. It may not always be easy to replicate the same intertwining, but it is the careful weaver that watches the threads in the loom to be able to produce an amazing fabric that can be appreciated long after the weaver's work is done.

The Reluctant Love Affair

I generally like to plan my life. In 2004, I had two dogs - my 9-year old black German Shepherd, Pepper, whom we had raised since she was a puppy, and the Shiba Inu that my husband had rescued when it was a year old in 2003. I was not ready to take on another dog. But, Michael, my huisband was hell-bent on getting another German Shepherd to be his companion when he was away in Arizona, and had already paid the breeder a deposit. And so, in November 2004, I unwillingly accompanied him to have first pick of the new-born litter. The puppies were all so adorable, but I did not want to get involved in the decision. Michael picked the largest one, a rambunctius male with the longest hair, and named him Prince.

A few weeks later, the breeder shared with us the results of the personality test and warned us that while Prince was exceptionally smart, he was also apt to make his own decisions, thus making himn a bit of a problem to train. Prince had an enviable heritage --LAPD K--on one side and Search and Rescue on the other side. A day after bringing him home, I had reluctantly fallen madly in love with this adorable, loving ball of fluff with a mane that looked more like that of a lion cub than of a dog. And, every ounce of love that I have showered on him is returned at least three-fold from this now full-grown protective German Shepherd who is almost my height when he stands on his hind legs.

There is a striking parallel to my career as a marketer. When I was five, I had decided I was going to be a teacher like my aunt. My uninterested first students were my cat and dog and my nephews who were a couple of years younger than I. By age seven, realizing that I had not been able to teach this unruly bunch to read and write, I had decided I was going to be an actress and a writer because my father had introduced me to Shakespeare and the classics. Throughout school, I excelled in all the subjects, especially drama and writing, so I felt secure in my career choice until I turned 16. My mother drilled into my head that “good Catholic girls don’t become actresses.” So, it was decided that after High School I would go to Secretarial School like my sisters before me.

That is when fate intervened in the form of Daphne Lord, my Drama teacher who had seen my inherent talents since I was five. As she took me under her wing I got the opportunity to teach Drama to kindergartners through eighth graders while pursuing my degree in Drama and English. As a safety net and in deference to my mother’s wishes, I did complete my training at Secretarial school, which helped me land my first real job at Singapore Airlines as a secretary.

Just as I had reluctantly fallen in love with Prince, I soon was thrust into a future I hadn’t planned and into a tumultuous love affair with a career that has loved me back as intensely. Within a year, I was moving out of the secretarial duties at Singapore Airlines into customer service and Public Relations. I enjoyed a successful run during which I learned to develop strong media relationships and play a big role in managing the ad agency relationship portraying the Singapore Girl. Then I moved to the USA and secured a position at an ad agency where I learned the agency side of the business. This spring-boarded me into the marketing department at Security Pacific Bank (later acquired by Bank of America) where I learned targeted marketing, trade show and event planning, proposals and presentations, graphic design, collateral development and the print process.

Just when I thought I thought I had acquired and mastered the skills necessary to succeed in marketing, along came the World Wide Web and the endless possibilities of globalization and the need to have a web presence for customers to access at their convenience. Building on that, innovative companies like Apple and Verizon delivered smart phones demonstrating the importance of speed to market and faster analysis when dealing with a consumer that was “always on.” Social media has further empowered the consumer, changing marketing to an open conversation that anyone can participate in or observe.

Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage and men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts.” My early passion and talent for drama have served me well as I have learned to play many parts as a marketer – creative visionary, strategist, analyst, team leader, content provider, and most importantly, adapter and innovator.

The path of true love has never run smoothly as I have encountered companies and management that have been unwilling to spend their marketing budget when faced with uncertainty, not realizing that marketing is not an expense but rather the underpinning of a successful organization.

Although I didn’t plan or choose my marketing career path in my younger days, I have adapted well and ridden the waves of uncertainty and innovation, and enjoyed the adrenaline of success without going under. Looking back on a career that chose me as its almost reluctant partner, I am glad that I embraced it with all the passion it required. I am thankful that I did not stick to my original choices because my personality, talents and interests are all in harmony as I spend my days with my sole mate – the one love that has been as faithful to me as I have been to it.

Perhaps it is no coincidence that my reluctant love affairs have been with a dog named Prince and with a career that still gives me a “Royal Flush” in my cheeks each time I talk about it.

Time Travelling - Blame it on Saduk

Fall 2009 started like any other, except that my sister was coming to visit me for the first time in my 24 years in the US. Strangely, in October 2009, the stars may have been in some kind of alignment that took me back 24 years because around that time, I got a Facebook friend request from Amin Saduk, my colleague at Singapore Airlines from the early 1980s. And, so began, my Austin Powersesque time travel back to the eighties.

As my sister and I reminisced about old times, old friends, I mentioned that I would love to get back in touch with Rajpal Salgado, my former close friend from Singapore Airlines. My sister used to know Rajpal's uncle and his wife. My reminiscing must have sent telepathic signals around the world, because pretty soon, I was flooded with friend requests and Skype contacts from my SQ "family."

By accepting friend requests, I was also able to find others who also belonged to this "first work family" because Singapore Airlines was my first real job. I grew up a lot, learned through mistakes - my own and those of others. But, what I learned most of all, was the true gift of friendship and the distance friends would go for each other. My biggest mentor was Amal Fernando, but unfortunately, before I could re-establish contact, I learned that he had left Singapore Airlines and next thing I heard was that he had passed on. I was teleported to happier times when Amal was full of laughter and advice and took charge of any situation. Times when he went out of his way to help friends, acquaintances and even strangers without expecting anything in return. My memories became tinged with regret, tinged with joy that I had shared a friendship with a person of the caliber of Amal, who represented the best in all of us. As I smiled through my tears, I was glad that Michael and I had met him during my two visits back to Sri Lanka.

Singapore Airlines was my training ground - I joined as a single girl - an inexperienced hopeful who had not ventured beyond the shores of my birth land and had never stayed out a night without family. When I left Singapore Airlines, I was a graduate of life - a world traveler, a public speaker, someone who had handled the publicity for this airline in Colombo, a radio DJ, a television news anchor, a bride, a mother. Throughout my metamorphosis, I had my cheering squad of colleagues, who were sincere in their criticism and their praise. My deep friendships helped me become a confidante and a mentor as well. We had our differences like any "family" would - but our bonds were strong.

I did get back in touch with Rajpal, as well as Ricci, Dilanie, Dilli, Rajitha, Hafeez, Yasmin, Sharmala, Shiranka, Amal's son, Maya, Becky, Juthika, Deannath, Jaliya, Joan, Manju. Blame in on Saduk for starting this global outreach and trips down memory lane that forced me to dig up my archives of photos and memorabilia of those times, so our kids can either laugh or cry at those images.

We had some great parties! Celebrations of birthdays, weddings, farewells, holidays, awards, promotional events. We hobnobbed with Ministers, Reporters, Ambassadors, the Who's Who of the Travel Trade and Government Authorities and we danced till dawn. We even got involved in "Spread a Little Happiness" campaigns, giving underprivileged kids the times of their lives and attended funerals of family members as we helped each other cope with the loss of a loved one.

I've been doing a lot of time travel lately and am glad for those times that helped me become the woman I am today. And, as we are spread across the globe, we are bound by the Silver Kris that taught us the Pursuit of Excellence.